Wednesday, January 2, 2013

13 Non-Resolutions in 2013

This year I am not making any resolutions.

Resolutions are unrealistic. They paint a picture of the perfect life we want to lead. They manage to distract us from the fact that even though the date has changed, we're actually still just as messy, unorganised and flaky as we were yesterday.

Don't get me wrong- New Years Eve is, and probably always will be, one of my favourite nights of the year. I just no longer choose to believe that the clock ticking over to midnight also equals a clean slate. Trust me, when I woke up on the first my sink was still filled with 2012's dirty dishes, my ass still clung desperately to 2012's Xmas weight-gain, and 2013 most certainly hadn't tried to make a dent in my laundry pile.

Last year my resolutions were as follows:

- Wear matching underwear every single day. FAILED
- NEVER EVER skip my night-time teeth brushing even when I'm super tired or drunk. FAILED
- Only turn down social invites for legitimate reasons to avoid a hermit-like existence. FAILED.

This year I've just made a list of shit I HOPE to happen. That said, I'm not going to promise any of these things to myself. I'm not going to make any grand plans on how to achieve them. I'm just going to let the universe do it's thing. This way when you're crying into your champers on NYE 2013 because you never did manage to shift those pesky last 5kgs, I will be celebrating guilt free baby!

So without further ado, here is my list. I would be ecstatic if even one of these things managed to eventuate over the course of 2013, but if they don't, well... meh.

1. Get something published on MAMAMIA
Perhaps my loftiest non-resolution for several reason. Firstly I am not actually a writer as is blatantly obvious in my style. Secondly - MAMAMIA is for girls who actually studied journalism and know how to use a semi-colon correctly. A girl can dream.

Maybe Mia Freedman will stumble across this blog and find it oh-so-hiliarous and decide she just MUST have me contriute.. If that's the case - hello Mia darling! Welcome to my corner of the internet, make yourself at home.

2. Enter a figure competition

Just because I would like to have a goal that means I end up looking like this in a bikini:

3. Stop biting my nails
I turn 24 this year. I'm probably too old to still be feasting on my cuticles.

4. Get promoted
Unlikely since I am new to my job, but you never know.

5. Sell an artwork
I don't really do enough art any more to see how this would eventuate, but hey, it's not up to me, it's up to the universe. 

On a completely unrelated note.. anybody want to buy this?

Name your price!

6. Make 1 new CLOSE friend
I have the best friends in the world, I really do, but it would be nice to have a girlfriend to do girly things with on a whim.

7. Start saving for a house deposit
Then I might actually start to feel like an adult.

8. Invent a kick-ass soup recipe
I love soup. I mean I REALLY love soup. I want to invent a 'secret recipe' that I can pass down through my family. I want to be THAT grandma.

9. NOT get a sunburn - not even once
Skin cancer is not for cool kids.

10. Crochet a blanket
Really guys. I actually am on a quest to end up the worlds most excellent grandmother.

11. Learn to crochet

12. Find a fake tan that doesn't make me orange
It would be really lovely to spend 1 Summer somewhere in the MIDDLE of being as white as Michael Jackson, and as orange as an Oompa-Loompa.

13. NOT obsess over my weight
This would be a miracle. Not a day goes by where I don't analyse my weight or what I'm putting in my mouth - but perhaps if any of my other non-resolutions eventuate I will be too distracted to worry about some extra dimples on my ass!

Tell me some of your non-resolutions.

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