Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Do we have too much information?

Last month I was preparing for a party at my house. A part of this preparation was cleaning up after my dog so that people could navigate the backyard without feeling like they were tiptoeing through a smelly minefield.

While doing this I picked up a dropping that contained some white, wriggly creatures.

Sorry - I should have mentioned that this post is not suitable to read while eating.

Being the concerned pet owner that I am, I immediately I went running for my smart phone to Google ‘maggots in dog poo’. I feared the worst for my puppy’s digestive tract.

Despite what it may seem, the moral of this post is not to disgust you with the specifics of my dog’s bowel movements.  This post is to point out the fact that not for one second, did I think I could not find the answer to my problem on Google. I never doubted that there were others who had had this issue, and had posted about it on the internet.

I was right not to think twice. Within seconds I had more information than I needed on all kinds of things you can find inside of dog poop, and more importantly, why those things might be in there.

Now I don’t want to leave you hanging – my dog is fine. Turns out it had just been a bit too long between backyard tidy ups and the unwanted white visitors had actually arrived after their new home had left my dog.

It wasn't until my boyfriend was looking over my shoulder while I was doing another google search, and read my search history, that I realised what I had Googled was weird. Really weird.

Where does too much information start, and need-to-know information end? The fact that we can Google literally everything seems like a blessing, but is it really?

Would it have been better to take my dog to the vet than go to Google? Should we ask a doctor about that suspicious looking mole before we Ask Jeeves?

Could I have made it this far in life without knowing what a blue waffle was? Who Tub Girl is? How many cups 2 girls need? The answer is yes, and yet I do know all of these things, thanks (or no thanks?)  to the internet.

The truth is, I spend more time on the internet reading things which result in me acting like this:

than I do doing anything productive, which leads me to wonder if perhaps, just maybe, we have too much information.

On that note, I'd love to know, what is the weirdest thing you have ever found yourself googling? More importantly... did you find your answer? Of course you did. Everything is on the internet. 

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Random Acts Of Kindness

I was avoiding sleep and trawling my favourite news site I stumbled across this little piece:

A MAN who apparently summoned the courage to rob a Montana pizza restaurant changed his mind as the clerk started to hand him money, broke down crying and ended up leaving with a pizza to feed his hungry family.Helena Police Chief Troy McGee says just after midnight Monday, a man wearing a hooded sweatshirt and a bandanna on his face entered a Papa John's restaurant and handed the clerk a note demanding money.
The cashier started to comply, but then the man started crying and said he was just trying to provide for his family.
The clerk offered to make a pizza and some chicken wings. The man waited while the food was cooked, then left on foot.
A Papa John's manager declined to comment

In a world where we are known to text message people who are in the same room as us, this little slice of human compassion and connection really brightened my night.

On that note I challenge everybody to tell me a time they have participated in a random act of kindness.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Sexy For Less Than Sixty

I love fashion, but I am also a cheap bastard.

As much as I love stalking fashion blogs I can't really start my own because I refuse to buy designer items. I wish I could justify spending hundreds of dollars on one item of clothing, but like the majority of the population, I cannot.

Therefore I hereby introduce a new segment called SEXY FOR LESS THAN SIXTY. Super cute outfits that you can buy for LESS THAN SIXTY DOLLARS!

I am only going to post outfits that I actually own, or that are very very close to outfits I own, and give reviews where appropriate.

Welcome to the pilot episode - the Summer Casual instalment.

Yumi Poodle Dress $34.00AUD

The grand total? $53.92. BARGAIN!

I own that exact poodle dress and it is VERY cute and if you have a petite build such as myself, extremely flattering. That said the material is very thin and snags easily so be careful!

This is really my new favourite outfit for summertime day dates with Boyfriend. 

Dumplings and Slurpees FTW 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Why being an atheist is not the same as being a devil worshipper, and making eye contact with me will not send you straight to hell.

With Christmas now over I feel the need to write a post about religion. As we all know, Christmas is the celebration of the day Santa artificially inseminated the Virgin Mary and Jebus was born.

At least that is what I have been led to believe.

This is a perfectly fine thing to believe if that floats your boat. I don’t mind what people believe in (well… except Scientologists… I mean, REALLY PEOPLE? Really??)

Personally I am an atheist. Recently it has come to my attention that some people are confused by the definition of the term atheist.

While I can understand how one would come to this conclusion*, I do not worship Satan.

In actuality, the very fact that I do not recognise a God also means that I do not recognise a devil or ‘Satan’ as you like to call him. This also means that you do not have to pray for me, attempt to ‘save' me or describe to me what I will miss out on in Heaven. I also don’t believe in that.
So to clarify, I do NOT believe in the following:

God (or any variation)
Satan (or any variation)

Despite this, making eye contact with me or any other atheists will not send you straight to hell

I believe that once you die you get buried in the ground and eaten by bugs, but I'm an optimist when it comes to things like that.

*Statement may be false. I do not actually understand the stupidity of 99.9% of the human race.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

13 Non-Resolutions in 2013

This year I am not making any resolutions.

Resolutions are unrealistic. They paint a picture of the perfect life we want to lead. They manage to distract us from the fact that even though the date has changed, we're actually still just as messy, unorganised and flaky as we were yesterday.

Don't get me wrong- New Years Eve is, and probably always will be, one of my favourite nights of the year. I just no longer choose to believe that the clock ticking over to midnight also equals a clean slate. Trust me, when I woke up on the first my sink was still filled with 2012's dirty dishes, my ass still clung desperately to 2012's Xmas weight-gain, and 2013 most certainly hadn't tried to make a dent in my laundry pile.

Last year my resolutions were as follows:

- Wear matching underwear every single day. FAILED
- NEVER EVER skip my night-time teeth brushing even when I'm super tired or drunk. FAILED
- Only turn down social invites for legitimate reasons to avoid a hermit-like existence. FAILED.

This year I've just made a list of shit I HOPE to happen. That said, I'm not going to promise any of these things to myself. I'm not going to make any grand plans on how to achieve them. I'm just going to let the universe do it's thing. This way when you're crying into your champers on NYE 2013 because you never did manage to shift those pesky last 5kgs, I will be celebrating guilt free baby!

So without further ado, here is my list. I would be ecstatic if even one of these things managed to eventuate over the course of 2013, but if they don't, well... meh.

1. Get something published on MAMAMIA
Perhaps my loftiest non-resolution for several reason. Firstly I am not actually a writer as is blatantly obvious in my style. Secondly - MAMAMIA is for girls who actually studied journalism and know how to use a semi-colon correctly. A girl can dream.

Maybe Mia Freedman will stumble across this blog and find it oh-so-hiliarous and decide she just MUST have me contriute.. If that's the case - hello Mia darling! Welcome to my corner of the internet, make yourself at home.

2. Enter a figure competition

Just because I would like to have a goal that means I end up looking like this in a bikini:

3. Stop biting my nails
I turn 24 this year. I'm probably too old to still be feasting on my cuticles.

4. Get promoted
Unlikely since I am new to my job, but you never know.

5. Sell an artwork
I don't really do enough art any more to see how this would eventuate, but hey, it's not up to me, it's up to the universe. 

On a completely unrelated note.. anybody want to buy this?

Name your price!

6. Make 1 new CLOSE friend
I have the best friends in the world, I really do, but it would be nice to have a girlfriend to do girly things with on a whim.

7. Start saving for a house deposit
Then I might actually start to feel like an adult.

8. Invent a kick-ass soup recipe
I love soup. I mean I REALLY love soup. I want to invent a 'secret recipe' that I can pass down through my family. I want to be THAT grandma.

9. NOT get a sunburn - not even once
Skin cancer is not for cool kids.

10. Crochet a blanket
Really guys. I actually am on a quest to end up the worlds most excellent grandmother.

11. Learn to crochet

12. Find a fake tan that doesn't make me orange
It would be really lovely to spend 1 Summer somewhere in the MIDDLE of being as white as Michael Jackson, and as orange as an Oompa-Loompa.

13. NOT obsess over my weight
This would be a miracle. Not a day goes by where I don't analyse my weight or what I'm putting in my mouth - but perhaps if any of my other non-resolutions eventuate I will be too distracted to worry about some extra dimples on my ass!

Tell me some of your non-resolutions.