Thursday, November 8, 2012

10 Things I Have Never Done

Today, Boyfriend made a disgusting confession to me. 

He has NEVER peed with the door open. 

And I was all like:

In my mind, this is made even stranger by the fact that he has an ensuite so even when he’s in his bathroom it’s not like any of his housemates are just going to wander past. Yet he still closes the door behind him. 

Every. Single. Time.

He claims it’s habit. I claim he’s a weirdo.

It got me to thinking though, and while I am happy to let my dog watch me pee through the open door when it’s just the two of us in the house, maybe there are some things I’ve never done that most normal people have done or experienced.

1 – I have never done my own taxes.

Don’t get up in arms. I PAY my taxes. My tax returns are filed; by an accountant. I wouldn’t have any idea what to do if I tried to do my own tax. I realise this is terrible, but I also realise this will never change. I will never do my own tax returns. Ever.

2 – I have never dialled 000.

I count myself lucky not to have needed to. That said, I HAVE dialled 911.

3 – I have never learned how to dive.

I can jump into a pool. I can belly flop. I can bomb the heck out of everyone on the sidelines, but I have never been able to dive. Swim teachers spent hours trying to teach me, but it never happened and probably never will. I just cannot do it.

4 – I have never been stung by a bee.

And I hope I never am. I’m a hypochondriac and therefore terrified that I might be allergic to bees and if one stings me I will die.

5 – I have never eaten a Big Mac.

I’ve eaten at McDonalds. I’ve sampled many of their menu items. Just never their signature burger.

6 – I have never played beer pong.

Watched a lot of games. Millions probably. Never ever played. Probably a good thing because I have terrible aim and am a lightweight,

7 – I have never mowed a lawn.

That’s men’s business, yo!

8 – I have never cooked on a BBQ.

As above.

9 – I have never done any type of maintenance on my own car.

I probably would if I had to, but my dad always gets in there and fixes everything before I even notice it, so I’ve never had to learn. I don’t even know how to fill up the windscreen wiper fluid.

10 – I have never been late to work.

Not once. Not ever. Not even by a minute. At least not without giving my boss at least 24 hours notice I will be late by X amount of minutes and the reason why.

What are some things that you have never done?


  1. I have some confessions about the two years I spent living Down Under during the Bush administration:
    -When I would meet Ozzie that appeared instantly annoyed with me and ask "Are you American?" I would say, "Yes.But I didn't vote for him". Don't worry- I wasn't lying.
    -At great expense, brought my 12 year old cat with us to live in Australia
    -I secretly wanted to like Vegemite but could only eat half of a "Cheesemite" scroll from the bakery
    -I once said "G'day" to someone
    -I once felt like a complete dick saying "G'day" to someone
    -Fell instantaneously and madly in love with Staffordshire terriers
    -At even greater expense, brought home my cat and new Staffy back to the U.S. with me
    -I am in LOVE with Rove McManus and glad he's ours, all ours for now!!!!!
    -And kinda in love with you, too, Jackie Ohhh!

    1. I like all of these!

      Except the vegemite one.

      And the Rove one. I love Rove. I MISS ROVE! Is he actually getting big over there? I haven't heard a peep about him for years.

      I am definitely in love with you! You are freakin' hilarious.

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